It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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