I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Found your dick twin last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
