I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
