Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
