It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
