Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
