Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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