so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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