I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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