I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
