the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
