I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
