Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
