Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
