I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
