I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
