I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
