I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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