You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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