is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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