This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
