this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
