no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
