She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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