My hair reeks of homosexuality.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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