Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
