i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
