then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
