I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
