uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
