You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
