Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
