he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
