and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you never un-have a 4some
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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