dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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