Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
