I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
