Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I currently don't understand fingers.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
