those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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