What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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