my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
