I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
