someone threw a dead crab at me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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