mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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