it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
