Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i out mim tonsoeep
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