i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
