the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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