Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
