i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
