His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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